is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
