I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
