You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
