So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
they're like a gay fantastic four
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
