I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
