When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
