her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I feel like a drive thru vagina
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
