WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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