Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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