Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
