So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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