fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
