Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
