Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Can I color on your dick again?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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