oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
