My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
