Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
