Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
