OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You can't special order awesome
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
my poor anus
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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