I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
