If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize