erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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