I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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