after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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