I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
