There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Randomize
