my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
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