Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
