Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
