i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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