She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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