and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
