Someone shit on the floor
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize