1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
