he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize