after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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