this boner is exhausting
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
