he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
