I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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