It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
