We're like a lot better than the average bears
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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