so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I wear drunk well.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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