its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
MIDGETS
????
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
