i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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