My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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