Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
