I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
