I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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