were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
