I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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