You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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