I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
