Im at strip club and am horny
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
