i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
