sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
