I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
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It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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