Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
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I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
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I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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