I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
