Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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