The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
