The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It's just like the Real World with babies
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize