This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
