girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
