i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
