I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
