Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
