It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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