I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
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Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
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On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
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